- Posted by admin
- On May 29, 2014
Marriage is a 50/50 relationship
If you give 50%, you will receive 50%
If you give 80%, you can only receive 20%
So you need to give 50% to Receive 50%
There is no 110% there only is 100%
When two people like each other or are attracted to each other, they connect as a couple and both parties put on a disguise to impress the other. Sadly, in a majority of relationships this act is then carried on even after marriage and taken into the marriage as an “unknown/unseen destruction tool”.
Problem is that after a long period of living with your partner, the couple becomes familiar with each other’s day to day habits, the acting ends, honeymoon phase is over and normality begins, fighting due to incompatibility and difference of opinions begins, novelty wears off, respect is lost. Realization occurs….Marriage is then headed for disaster.
Fact: men and women both have their own unique ways about them. Accept it!!!
Typical example: A man might be used to throwing his clothes on the floor when he changes to go to bed, etc. In the early days of marriage, he could try to put it in the laundry basket, but the habit is to throw it on the floor. The reality is that after a period of time we stop pretending to be perfect and let our real self show, and this is when the honeymoon ends. The best advice is to be honest from the start. Come clean. No secrets.
Have no secrets between each other, but keep each others secrets
To explain further, if the wife is good friends with the husband’s sister and the sister confides in the wife, the wife should not keep any secrets from her husband relating to this discussion, however the husband should not in turn make it known to his sister of this pre – awareness. The sister says that she is dating someone. The wife should tell her husband. The husband should not say anything to his sister as it is not his place. He should not break the trust that exists between his wife and his sister.
Another aspect that we should keep in mind is that we all have a past. Some may have a good past, some may have a bad one. The reality is that we all have some skeletons in our closets. Start fresh and leave the past where it belongs ‘in the past’ for the past cannot be altered. Focus on living for NOW, TODAY AND THIS VERY MINUTE
Today is the only day…The future is unknown to us and there is no way of driving it to suit our wants and pleasures. It only goes as per our creator’s plans. So relax, there is no reason to worry about it or stress about it.
If we knew the future… if we knew what was going to happen…. the excitement is taken out if and when the moment arises. Yes plan for the future, if you want to do that. If it doesn’t go according to the plan though , then accept it and go with it. Where you end up might be better than you expected it to be.
“Obstacles are the things that you see when you take your eyes off your Goal.”
There are some basic day to day activities that could help enhance your marriage and keep it alive:
- Compliment your wife. Compliment your husband. Both like compliments. A wife will smile. A husband will shrug it off, but he will smile on the inside.
- Don’t only compliment each other when u dress up only. Do so when you are at a wedding, in the car, on the way home. Make it special.
- For the husband: Compliment your wife at a wedding. Go up to her and whisper in her ear, “wow, you are looking amazing.” She will be over the moon throughout the function.
- Be different. Make your life special. Call your wife daily or send her an exciting text. Pick a time so that she expects your call. A good time is after Asr or before you leave for home. Ask her about her day. “How’s your day? Do you need anything? Can I get anything on my way home?”
- On the odd occasion, and I don’t mean once a year. Buy a chocolate or flowers. Even a single rose will do. Make her feel special. Tell her that you were thinking of her and you bought her something nice. It doesn’t have to be costly. You can put it on her pillow before she goes to bed. And vice versa. The wife can also do exciting things to make her husband feel special
- Make her dinner… mmm.. ok, so you can’t cook. No worries. Buy something. Put it in a bowl and set the table. Make it feel special. Light candles.
- Draw a bath for her. After dinner, fill the tub. Put a rose on the side. Let her soak for a while and relax.Simply think of ways to make her feel special.
Now your question should be…. What do I get in return? Amazingly, you get a warm true smile, a happy spouse and good food (if the cooking is cooked). You have a happy marriage.
We are in the 21st century. This does not mean that we have forgotten how to write. Wifey, put a note in your husband’s lunch box. Make him feel special. Write each other secret notes and/or letters. Copy a beautiful poem.
Call each other by the best of names. Even if you argue, use the best of names. No matter what the issue is, the argument will be a decent one. Always make sure that you don’t go to bed angry, that the argument is sorted out.
Never have an argument in public. Have a signal. If either doesn’t like what is being said, if the signal is given, change the topic or the end of the story to something good. Take a step aside and discuss the issue.
This is very important. Speak to each other about everything, your inner most thoughts and feelings. If you have a problem, talk about it. Come to a compromise. Sometimes we have to accept and give in. This goes both ways.
You should be garments for each other ie: protect each other and always talk good about each other. Would you like her friends laughing at you and talking bad about you behind your back over something stupid and simple that happened. Would you like your friends talking about your wife behind your back and laughing at her. How about if they talk about both of you and how stupid your argument is behind your back. It is after all human nature to be spoken of and laughed at behind your back. So think about it. Think before you speak. Many times we say things that are simple and a joke that can cause an issue. I’m sure you’ve read a few jokes about “ and that’s how the argument started” So take a moment and then speak.
Sometimes, silence is your best friend. The tongue can be your best friend and your worst enemy. Make it your best friend and allow it to keep you happy.
Have a date night once a week if you can, to bring back the spark to your marriage. Whether it is going out for supper or coffee just to talk, without any distractions. Dating… yes … you ask her out on a date. Take her out. Like how it was when you first started out. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Set a picnic in front of the TV and watch a movie while eating a burger and chips.
Look good for each other. Dress to impress your partner. If the wife is home, make sure you are well dressed to receive your husband when he gets home. If the week is busy, then dress up on the weekend. One day is all that is needed for this. Every one day is a good day (meaning everyday). You want your wife to look good for you, you should do the same.
Walk hand in hand. Keep the love there. If you express your love and respect, you will receive your love and respect in return. No seriously. If she/he is shy, then just hold hands. No need to make a spectacle of yourself in public.
Every man needs between 10 minutes to 1 hour when he gets home. So when your man comes home, ask him if he wants something to drink. If not, let him be. Give him his time. Men need to unwind… Don’t question, just go with it.
Women also need time to themselves. If there are kids, after your time to yourself, take the kids and give her some time to herself. This is a good opportunity to draw her a bath. Hint hint.
So… you are upset with each other. Had a crazy argument? When you get home, go directly and hug and kiss your partner.
When you go to bed, upset or not… a kiss must be there before you both pass out. Yes the argument can mean that the other comes to bed late when you are sleeping. Still … kiss on the cheek and go to bed.
This must be daily…. Before you leave for work, hug and kiss.. And let it not be a peck, let it be a kiss of note.
If you have younglings, let them see you kiss your spouse. They learn from what they see. So let them learn how to make things work from the start.
If you are having an argument, don’t leave the room or even open a door, unless needed urgently. Settle the disagreement before you open a door or window or leave the room. When you open the door or window or leave and come back, some part of the argument is lost and will come back at a later time to get it’s words spoken. Some part of the argument is lost and can cause problems later on (not proven)
There is no better time than now: If you meet an old flame or someone from your past, tell your spouse as soon as you see or speak to them. No, you are not reporting in. You are not clocking in the time card. You are being honest and keeping the road ahead clear of any unwanted obstacles that may cause difficulties. There is nothing to hide, so don’t hide it.If you get home and your spouse is busy, then make sure you make a moment. Pull them aside and make sure you tell them. You never know what may happen in the next minute.
The same goes for phone calls. Tell everyone you are married. You are married, why be shy. Be proud!
Lastly, think as to how would you feel if you were in your partner’s shoes before you say or do anything. If you would enjoy it, then go for it, else do something different.
Hope this finds you in a good space and helps you a little.